Felt like I lost a part of me...

It’s funny how it started, just two normal people chatting, looking for a possible relationship but not really expecting it at the same time. When I first started really chatting to Willem I can honestly say I would not have thought for a thousand years that I would be feeling this way. Hours, days, weeks and months went by of us just talking over the phone. Before I knew it we smsed each other when we woke up, during the day and the last thing we did before we went to sleep. And then when he started to call hearing his voice and the laugh that is something that got me through a lot of things in the time we have been speaking.  We became good friends who listened to one another’s situations and tried to help where we could, we were there when one was feeling down and we were there when something great happened no matter what we were always there for each other (and we still are). When I watched the Bachelor the woman or guys always said they are looking for a best friend and a husband and when you sit and think of that it is actually true. Willem and I formed this friendship that I never really had with any of my friends sadly to say. I knew that no matter what I was going through or had to face he would be there, never judging but just helping and that is what I need! After a phone call from Willem a person just finds themselves smiling even though you were close to tears or already crying he has this way of making you forget the worst and gets you to focus on what you can do.

I would not have thought that I would have been ever close to dating a guy who was either married, had kids or both. But here I am madly deeply in love with the guy who has been married and who has the cutest son and it doesn’t bother me, In fact if it is even correct to say I am happy. He has been through a lot of things as well and yes sadly he won’t have the first wedding experience any more but I am sure that even though he had to maybe get married again he would enjoy and treasure it as much as he did his first! With him having a son it already shows me he is great husband and father material, how he explains his son the passion and love in his voice and the glow in his eyes is something I love to see. If I had to place myself in his situation I would also hope that I would be lucky enough to find someone who would not only love and accept me but my child as well and what I have been through to get where I am today. No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes who are we to judge the life people walked to become who they are hoping to be in life? Maybe one thing I am mostly worried about the meeting his side of the family is with is ex and son situation. How would she treat me and how would his son react around me? 

I can remember it like yesterday, when we finally set on a date to meet that morning at work I was just counting down the hours till I was able to finally put a real face to the guy who stole my heart. The first hug honestly felt unreal, kind of like is he really here? Am I really hugging you? For a second I felt shy, we spoke for hours over the phone but now that he was here I was lost for words and I think I just spoke some nonsense in the beginning. Not sure if I made any sense. We then went to dinner which actually just ended up being drinks, either way I enjoyed it just us two talking getting to know each other and to see his smile and him staring at me (or as he would say, Admiring) yeah no words for that. The evening came and went so fast and before I knew it we were at the gate and had to say good bye not knowing when we would see each other again but we knew it would be soon. And just as he left I realized I missed him already and that’s when I knew that I fell so hard for this Guy and that my life has CHANGED.

We made plans to spend more time together, it really meant a lot to me that he would even take a taxi to come see me even if it not a full day. Not a lot of guys these days would do something like that, I remember dating a guy who wouldn’t even walk to my house and he stayed in Kriel. The Sunday he came threw I had a booked photos hoot and he tagged along and I can honestly say that having him there meant and helped a lot. I can honestly not put it in words how much it meant to have him not only support me with the photography but also be willing to help, it’s amazing.

The more time we spend together the more in love I fall with him, there is just something about him, the way he looks at me and says I am beautiful, how he calls me his princess, how he whispers he loves me and that I mean the world to him and how he pulls me in to hug him and gives me that gentle yet loving kiss that makes my knees weak and heart want to melt. I don’t care if we with family or just relaxing by ourselves, just being able to be in his presence and have him close to me is all I ever want and need.

They say one day you will know if they are the ONE for you, and somehow without being able to explain it I know that he is the ONE for me. I go to sleep at night thinking of how it would be if we moved in and all those things how it would be having him come home and I am there hearing about his day and telling him about mine face to face.  Doing normal daily things together and starting and ending each day together.  I knew that with his working hours we would not always be lucky enough to see each other the whole weekend every weekend and we took and enjoyed what we could get.

Lost in the moment and enjoying the times we spent together and getting excited of what we could do in the future, I would not have thought that in one afternoon things would change. That phone call stuck in my brain, the words “ they want me to go work at a different site meaning I would move, be further a way for a few months” just hit my heart and before I knew it I was in tears, Even though he reassured me that we would make this work and that he is not breaking up with me and Even though I was focusing on the positive side knowing that there is a reason for this and that we would still see each other I could not help but cry and cry and cry, I knew things were not really falling apart but in a small way it felt like it was, and through the tears he asked me what I am thinking and feeling. At that time and place there was so much going through my mind that I eventually hit a blank and I didn’t know what to feel or what I was really feeling.  In that moment I was waiting for a “I am joking” but sadly I didn’t get one, it was real and it was happening. Well it is happening. When I think of it I just feel sad so I try not to think of it and what might go wrong instead I am placing it in God’s hands, they say he wouldn’t put you in a situation he knows you cannot handle. This would be a test to make us stronger. Either way I know how I feel and I know that what I have with Willem I will never really find with anyone else.

And then the day I dreaded came faster than what I thought it would.
Willem Left Sunday 12 May to Limpopo, I do not even know how I can explain the feeling.

The whole week we were lucky enough that he got to stay by us and I must say it was different but great waking up got ready for work and got  to spend the few minutes having coffee together before I headed off to work then after a hard day at work I came home and there he was with open arms with a hug and a kiss asking how my day was and just like that I felt happy, spending the afternoon catching up on the daily events and just relaxing watching our TV shows and then off to bed well first ending up talking till 11 at night about anything and everything but I loved it. Every second of it.

I love how my family took him in as a son and to see how they care for one another and all that fills my heart with love and joy. As the week ended and the weekend showed up I started to feel the Sunday feelings the one I was trying to avoid but I pushed it aside and I enjoyed the moment we spend there together.

Saturday we ventured off to Witbank with my brother did a little mother’s day shopping and watched movies. It was really an amazing day to just get out the house and just enjoy a day together couldn’t ask for more.

Sunday was mother’s day and we woke up and surprised and showered my mother with gifts. It was a blessed day to be able to be there to say Happy mother’s day to my mom and be to blessed enough to have her still in my life but yet at the same time I knew that at 1pm it wouldn’t be the same. As much as I tried to enjoy the moment and just forget about it I couldn’t stop I couldn’t get the sad feeling out of my mind. I just wanted to stop time or do whatever I could to just not have him go.

Walking with him to the car was the worst feeling, I guess now I can finally say I understand what my parents felt when they said goodbye to me at the airport they didn’t know what would happen and they knew that they wouldn’t be close enough to be able to help me when I needed it and I felt they same. Because we formed such a strong bond and become so close as friends and as a couple and feel the same about each other it was just so much harder and I know that it is not a plane flight, bus drive, train drive, bike trip with a taxi route to get to him and it is only 4 hours away but it not the whole 1 hour trip for a day or hour visit. I honestly could not hold back the tears and while I am typing this I am trying hard not to cry again. That last hug, that last kiss that last look into his eyes with that smile of his and the words I LOVE YOU yeah it opened the tap and I could not stop I tried making jokes and all that but just ended up crying more. Darn female hormones. And just like that he drove off! And I couldn’t get him back. I went for a nap after that but just found myself crying even more. So I ended up editing our pictures we took that day and I felt happy again looking at the pictures and seeing his smile and all that just made me happy knowing I am lucky enough to have him in my life!

I know that it is not for ever and through the tears and the I miss you messages I am proud of him because I could think of any one else who deserves this more, the work he does he has a huge passion for and to hear from how it was and to see where he is now in his life I can only cry happy tears and be there for him as much as I can.

Day two now of him being gone and today we have been a month together and well I would say it isn’t easy and maybe it has not fully hit me yet that I would not be seeing him Sunday but it is not that hard either I know time flies past so before I know it he will be back and all will be perfect again. This is kind of like a time for the both of us to just focus on the work and that and grow stronger as a couple.

Here are some of the pictures we took sunday: