Breaking Point.

Positive, be positive just think positive thoughts I keep telling myself.

Things are not as bad as what you’re making them out to be, relax, do what you are meant to do and stop worrying about others. Is what I keep on hearing and what I keep on telling myself? How long must I keep doing it?

I wake up in the morning positive thoughts ready for whatever this day might throw at me, but am I under estimating how much I can catch and carry?

Push the off button of the alarm and put on the Radio, off to the dressing table to do my hair and I look at myself for a few minutes and smile. I am awake and alive with many to be grateful about. Getting dressed with puppies eyes following every step I take and then falling back to sleep. All things packed in work bag and off to the kitchen, but first catch up on messages and who would not smile when you receive a sweet morning message from a loved one. And so between then and finishing up to go to work it is all positive as positive as I can make it and you know even as I am at work discussing what needs to be done for the day it’s still all okay, but then you always just have to get that one person and for some reason they think they better than you or feel threatened by you and they go out of their way to make sure your day is messed up and that’s where it starts and it feels like a day to day struggle where I have to fight off those feeling and try focus and honestly I am truly just tiered.

They say everyone has to start from the bottom to work their way up and I have had those bottom working days. But how long can a person carry on pretending that everything is okay? Contractors cannot be choosers and I know it is hard to not only get a job these days but to get a job that pays good and that has at least some benefits.. I always saw myself at the mine, growing up going with my dad to work I don’t know I guess you could say I fell in love with the mine place and knew that I wanted to work there and now I am lucky enough to say I do and I am where I wanted to be but not fully where I want to be. I wonder at times why I am here what is my duties and what is it that they expect from me, what is my job description. In the previous office it was made clear and I knew what I was doing and I loved it, I felt like what I was doing was needed and important and I learned a lot, but then they take you and move you back and it just like that you’re stuck again, and I have tried to make the best out of the situation but I guess today is my Breaking point. If that’s what you can call it. I am not writing this to have people feel sorry for me or get attention not at all.

I do not know where else to turn to anymore and I honestly just cannot take it, I want to work I want to prove myself to others and feel that at the end of the day it was a good day and even though it was hard and long and busy I got things done and I guess you could say I worked hard for the money I get.
Maybe in the end all I can really do is just carry on trying, praying and know that God placed me here for a reason. I know he did and that he would never leave me. We all get our down days, those days where you just want to be in bed with whatever food that is never really good for the hips but so good for the feeling sad part and just lay there with a good cd. Sometimes seems to help. I know there are people out there who are facing much more hard times than I am, and how you handle the situation is up to you. And it feels like I have been just sitting back and letting things just happen but maybe I should somehow take action of something or some sort what that would be I am not sure yet but I hope that somewhere along the line I will know…